Month: January 2017

A Balrog’s Bargain

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I stopped in at a bakery the other day to get a couple of desserty things. As I was paying, the girl asked me if I wanted to try the Southern Pecan bar samples – and OF COURSE I said “YES!” I had just popped it in my mouth when she pointed at my shirt and said “Oh! Is that Lord of the Rings?” I nodded and made an affirmative sort of noise.

Holy cow was this pecan bar good!

Then she says “Yeah, I thought so. It’s that elf guy, right?”

I again nodded and smiled and made a noise – both because she was right and because the caramelly, nutty yumminess was amazing. Then she said “Yeah! Thorin…din? Legolas’ brother.”

I stopped chewing, my mouth suddenly full of ashy sadness. I now had to either keep eating this delightful confection and let her wrongess stand, or… I took the only real action open to me. I swallowed. “Thranduil. Elvenking. Ruler of Greenwood the Great. Legolas’ dad. Uhm….thanks.” I took another sample.

Here’s the shirt, if you’re curious: http://www.teefury.com/king-in-the-woodland-realm

 

 

 

Some Things Never Change

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I just found a game on Steam where the review tagline from Kotaku is “It’s like Game of thrones, but with animals.” I don’t…what…is that an endorsement?

One of the characters is a busty bunny – and even in a grim, but cute Disney-esque fantasy world, the girl-type people don’t get to wear pants.

It’s called Armello.

HOLY SHIT – you guys need to go watch the trailer videos! It’s the weirdest cute-but-terrible thing EVER since Watership Down! An obviously evil, yet still COOT AS A WIDDLE BUTTON weasel with an eyepatch just full-on murder-faces a toad in front of his rabbit friend!

Because: Boys

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I stopped by this local boozery called simply The Beer Cave to buy, well, beer. Which – for those of you who are puzzled by this, I drink SOME beers (Boulevard’s Bourbon Barrel Quad and Lindeman’s Raspberry Lambic, and Dragon’s Milk, for example).

ANYWAY – so at the checkout counter, the two cashier dudes are talking about how two female workers have both left early, in tears, over the last two days. One explanation was “Bethany, because: boys.” I cocked my head and raised a single quizzical brow and decided to join the convo, with appropriate matter-of-fact sass, “Well, if you dudes would just stop with being ALL the confusing-nonsense-stupid, then we’d be FINE, you know?” And the dudes start trying to EXPLAINIFY dudeness!

The dudes looked at me for a moment, shrugged, and nodded. But then they started trying to EXPLAINIFY dudeness! Bless their hearts.

Dude One: See, my girlfriend hates me. But she knows that I’m there for here when the chips are donw. So it’s cool. You know? I mean, I may suck, but I suck LESS than other dudes, and I will totally take care of her.

Dude Two: Yeah, I feel ya, but my girl does NOT hate me. She digs me. And she knows I’m there for her. *suddenly worried look* I think….

Me: Yeah. See? Even you don’t know for sure. *does ‘mind blown’ gesture*